Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
