I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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