he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Barsexuality is the new black.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
