you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
