Are we in a gay sports bar?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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