I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
