Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
