dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
