It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
