my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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