i don't like sucking hair
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
