I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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