It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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