Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
