didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I CAN MOONWALK!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
