I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
