i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
