i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
