I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize