doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
