Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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