ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
