Your mouth is God's brothel.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
