I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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