She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
