your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
