I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
