Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
