My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
