You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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