I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
