That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
