Where is the hickey?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
