hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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