I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize