Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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