i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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