Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
