Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
