Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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