There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
