dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
