woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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