He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
