I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
