i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
