90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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