you would pick up someone in the library
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
