we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
