wrigley field is MILF paradise
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
