The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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