i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
