there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
