last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
