So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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