she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Panties = found
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
