there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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