Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
