Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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