biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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