Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
