He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
