im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
