only you would photoshop your dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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