The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
