they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
