You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
