she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
