Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
