everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
