She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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