I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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