I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
