I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
