You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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