1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
