she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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