He asked to "fluff my boner.."
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
