I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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