im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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