Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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