she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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