I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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